2000 The Partomuving Stairzbars

The Stairzbars were really nice people, very consistent, very involved and joined our church from a church not far away. That church had changed its strategy, invested heavily in a counseling ministry and started a new “modernized” church plant. The Stairzbars came to us along with several other families. They began looking because it was too much change and because they were “not sure if they agreed with leadership.”

Their couple of years at Northwest were comfortable enough but over time they began to have trouble with “loving the church but not agreeing with leadership.” Ultimately, though very polite, they left because their concerns and issues could not be addressed. Leadership did try to answer their questions and did try to explain God’s direction. Leadership was open to their challenges but even when it was shown that there was no problem or that the direction was Biblcal, the Stairzbars could still not be satisfied.

The crux issue came over the fact that our Youth Minister was a woman. It did not matter that she was incredibly godly, holy and devout. It did not matter that she was a good teacher and a pretty great role model. The Stairzbars young son was approaching youth group age and they were not comfortable with a woman leading the youth group he was in.

One must ask, “Why is it that at 11 years of age a woman can teach Sunday School, lead the activities and champion the causes of a young man in Christ but at age 12 suddenly such leadership is inappropriate?” The Stairzbars and many others would cite Paul as he says, “I do not have a woman in authority over a man.” I would agree with the Biblical principle. There is a point that a man grows up and leaves the covering of his family and becomes a leader himself. Paul and many other authors understood God’s model of leadership.

I am not sure that 12 years old is that age. Nonetheless, as the Stairzbars struggled – I struggled. I prayed and a trend began to emerge from years of observations. The keen will observe one trend that strong women don’t want other women leading. They will also see that non-leading men who are led by women react poorly to situations where they think that women will be leading men. I know it doesn’t make sense but it happens again and again. Perhaps it is because these couples have ultimately seen in their person worlds that the model of “women leading and men sitting” isn’t ideal. It is ironic that a woman in such a strong role in her family is rarely able to trust another woman in leadership. It is ironic that a man who accepts such a strong leadership role from his wife is uncomfortable with other women leading. Perhaps we dislike in others the very thing that we dislike about ourselves.

Spiritual leadership is not about the man making the final call on practical decisions and being “in charge.” Likewise, the proper model is not the woman filling this role. Unfortunately many women love being the spiritual and practical leadership and many men are quick to marry their “mom” and go on being boys. It is clear in the Bible that man is to lead woman spiritually to God as the “fountain source of all life” and to do that through leading in teaching the Word and in example of following and unconditional love. Find this man and you will find many women who are fine with that model. The Bible is also clear that moms and dads lead children (side note – youth groups would be better if moms and dads maintained their roles as authorities over their kids). The mom and dad are one flesh and are to lead as one flesh.

Anyway, I am thankful for the challenges of theology and ideas that came through the Stairzbars. Those challenges drove me to God and to His word. There I found lifetime answers of which I could be sure and certain because He wrote them. I am glad because in understanding this trend I can try to help people now instead of butt heads with them.

All of the couples who came from that same church in the same period with the Stairzbars have all moved on from our church and in many cases now from yet another church. Just because people come claiming that the place from which they come is wrong, unfulfilling, uninspired or questionable, it does not make them correct. There are many people who leave churches because the church is going somewhere they cannot yet go or will not allow themselves to be led. Many people like this hop forever, never finding joy or contentment in the Body of Christ.

Perhaps in the next fifteen God will help me learn to better reach and heal the hoppers.