Their Talking – People Trust

What leader hasn’t wondered about what their people were saying when they walk into a room? Some will teach that only the insecure leader wonders such things as these, but they are wrong. Top Dogs and Support Staff (the crème de la crème of leaders) long ago developed the ninth sense of detecting and identifying that “hush-hush huddle-huddle” conversation. Upper level leaders have well learned that what is happening in the camp directly affects the leaders. Only a fool would ignore the developing gossip or the person who sows silent seeds among his organization, effort or followers.

It has been reiterated time and again that leaders cannot lead unless they are among their people. Even in an organization of thousands with many locations, the Top Dog can be there through the people he directly leads and trains. He cannot know everyone, but he can know about everyone – at least when he needs to know (this is only a business model not a church or local ministry model – by definition, effective ministries need to be able to directly connect to people). Most definitely the leader needs to be able to see his people in action and needs to have the ninth sense.

If the ninth sense of detecting “hush- hush, huddle- huddle” conversation turns into paranoia, insecurity or a constant effort to butt in and control, the leader is doomed to fail. There is a wise Biblical proverb that says,

“Where there is no fuel, there is no fire.”

All leaders would do well to remember that chasing myths, the unknown and trying to control every conversation in an insecure way only feeds the fire of their secret conversations. Weakness in this area puts gasoline on any myths or discontent or disrespect that are already burning because of a follower's talking.

Some leaders try to talk to their most trusted follower or emerging leader who is “in the know.” This rarely works well, is cheap and shows little confidence. He who has to lead by snitch will soon find out that he who snitches on others to the leader will snitch on the leaders tactics to the others. Other leaders confront every single instance of hush-hush when they become aware. Soon no one can work and the young followers feel totally violated or intimidated. Like ants attacked on the surface ,they do not stop talking but move it to a restaurant. The leader cannot control morality.

So what is the balance? Clearly the leader cannot lead if he is always trying to figure out what they are saying about him quietly (by the way – most of the time it is not about him, and he shows his gross egotism by assuming he is the center of their world). At the same time, the leader cannot let secret gossip, derision or discontent (about anyone or anything) erode the effort. Here are some tips:

1. Set an example of transparency, openness and acceptance. Do not be a hush-hush talker. If you have to have a private conversation, do it in the appropriate place and time – not the break room. Just like your followers, the conversation might be perfectly okay, but it can create an environment where the weaker people wonder.
2. Reputation is everything. Be an excellent boss, leader and human being. Then if someone really sets out a campaign against you because they are trivial and weak, your reputation will win in the end. The other people are not stupid. Good always wins.
3. Love the crap out of them all. Be an intelligent, caring, fair, even keeled boss that demonstrates proper compassion and at the same time unerring, unwavering equality, fairness and justice.
4. Defend with great passion and severe consequences the others if they are wronged by hush-hush talk. In other words, send the message clearly, “We are a team and you are not going to mess with anyone here. There are consequences and they are severe. We are going to live in character.”
5. Never defend yourself. Never, never, never. When you fight your own fight in this area you feed the problem. Rely on your other leaders and followers to see your reputation, example, love and defense of others and then to defend you. Never ask someone to take up for you. Just keep your mouth shut.
6. If someone other than your Support Staff tells you about what “someone” is saying about you, thank them, remind them to stay at the work, remind them to stay out of it, and don’t reveal any emotion or comments to them.
7. If one of your Support Staff is the problem – trust and honor them. Talk to them immediately, directly and without assuming that your intuition is correct. You promoted them, so give them a fair and direct chance. Do not defend yourself, but do not make yourself subject to them.
8. Do not fight with your followers. You are not their equal, and it will not be a fair fight. If it becomes a “fair fight” then they have won because you are now seen sucked into a stupid, little battle. Followers do not want to be beaten, but they want leaders who are leaders. Drill sergeants do not fight with privates.
9. Remember that some silent conversations will happen and should happen. You are only keeping an eye on the troops to make sure that the normal does not become abnormal cancerous growth that ruins your team.

Accept it – people have hush-hush conversations. Be aware of them, watch them, and if they turn into festering situations, fix them. Do not assume they are all bad or about you. People need to talk to each other. Do not get obsessed. Keep leading.

Defend those you lead when you must. If you find a truly untrustworthy speaker – fire them. Keep the organization pure. Remember, there are twelve sides to every perception and story. If you must deal with one of these situations, give everyone a fair hearing and avoid getting “egg on your face.”

If it concerns you, remember - if you hired the right people, they will fix the wrong, and if the wrong were the right people they will become right and all of you will win in the end. Trust the people you hired. Trust the other leaders around you to work to fix the problem. Trust the loyal followers.

Oh, and by the way, if you don’t have a good reputation, don’t defend others, gossip yourself, or look like the people who are going after you – you made your bed so let it be, stop whining and change.