Emotions Have Their Place?

My feelings really got hurt recently at Mexico Tipico (I should own part of the restaurant by now!) when my dear friend Susan kept “teasing” me saying that I was insensitive and not compassionate enough. There was a person in our congregation having a really hard emotional/spiritual time and as often happens, I became the target. “He isn’t helping enough. He won’t call enough.” It’s okay, all of us leaders know that when people hurt they focus on different things. But I made the mistake of being a man and stating my factual opinion to Susan – who is a great prayer partner but close to this particular person.

It was hilarious. I stated fact after fact and I got deeper and deeper in trouble. “She told my secretary there was no need to call her back! How am I getting in trouble with all of you for that?”

“You aren’t in trouble with us. You just need to understand that she is upset.”

“I understand being upset. I am getting there. What would happen if I talked about her to other people and said untruths? Would you say that she should be understanding that I was ‘just having a rough time?'” I asked.

“No. You are older. You should know better and you are a pastor.”

“So the standard is different?”

“No. She is having a hard time. You are being insensitive,” Susan implored.

You would think that I would have learned by now. Of course it all blew over in the end. I continued to pray for the younger adult, called the home often, said “Hi” every time I saw her. It wasn’t for political efforts or to be seen as sensitive. It was because I realized again that emotions do have their place.

As messed up as Americans are and as focused as they are on how they feel, we are still called to help them to the next place. Let me clearly state, EMOTIONS ARE NEVER A GOOD EXCUSE FOR YOUR BEHAVIOR. However, emotions can be a reason to explain what you or someone else is doing. That reason may reveal that emotions or spiritual issues are unbalanced or out of place but such a revelation gives a great opportunity for ministry and leadership.

A leader can be clear and state fact to the hurt like, “I would have called you but you told me not to.” However, if a leader says, “I am sick of this. It isn’t fair. It isn’t right and I don’t have time to cater to these people anymore!” there are only two possibilities: First, God has said, “Shake the dust off your feet. Move on.” I have observed over time that when God gives that instruction, leaders are usually compassionate and not indignant. They are heartbroken at having to give up on that ministry opportunity. They don’t want to write someone off and leave them to God alone. Normally it is the second possibility that is in play. Possibility Two: the leader is reacting on emotion and committing the same crime as the emotional follower. That’s fact.

It does take more humility to be the leader. The leader does take unfortunate and unnecessary hits in the fight. The follower may not see their error or understand the fact for a long time. Sometimes leaders have to model the ability to operate on fact and hope in spite of emotion. It is okay to feel like it is unfair, falling apart or to be hurt. It is not okay to surrender to those feelings because they deny the truth that “God is bigger than all and that there is hope and peace in Christ.” It is okay to want to lose it because you are tired, sad, angry or worn but it is not okay to do it because it will deny the truth that in the Spirit we can control the flesh and soul.

People need models. If they are wrong – we must show them right. If they aren’t wrong – we must show them right. We must live the dream.