If They Are Talking About Him....

This week's articles are reflections from advice from my dad who is up and around and now well on the way to recovery from open heart surgery.  He was very successful and respected as a top leader and manager of men at IBM for 30 years and the lessons he learned and wisdom he gained continue on.  If you are a believer, say The Prayer for Dad (Romans 10:13). 

"...in front of you while he is not around, then you can be sure that they are talking about you while you are not around."

Dave Burrier

I would like to add, "If you are listening to them talking about him when he is not around, then we can be sure that you are listening to them talk about us when we are not around." 

Dad taught me an incredible lesson about picking friends, acquantinces and project partners when he taught me this truth.  Over the years I have learned that it is just as wrong and dangerous to listen (even, chuckle uncomfortably) and say nothing - whether to add to or to stop the conversation.  Everyone knows that participating in gossip, negative conversations, jokes at others' expense are wrong - don't they?

I don't think we realize how wrong it is until it happens to us.  Realistically, though, if you are around it about others, then you can be sure that it is happening to you when you are not around.  And, just like you, someone is listening to it.

Leaders need to pick relationships well and to be very careful with whom they share their life.  They need to be careful not just to protect their heart, emotions or personal life but more importantly to protect their followers.  If mindless people who talk, bash and joke are allowed (when you are not around) to destroy your leadership - even if only for fun - then innocent followers are damaged.  If you stand by and listen, it is even worse for you.  You doom not only yourself to future ridicule but your followers as well.

I have been guilty of both sides of this equation.  Perhaps we were insecure, looking for the spotlight, trying to make friends or just mean and having fun at someone else's expense.  Nonetheless, this is the behavior of the immature not the behavior of a leader.

We need to ensure that we are neither the talkers nor the listeners.  We need to ensure that we are positive and uplifting.  We need to ensure that we are neither the meek or the afraid and identify these "talkers" to our people so that they can stay clear and starve the talker to change or exile.  All of us need to protect the unity of what we lead and follow in.